Azula's Fangirl Crush
by Lost In A Dark Wood
Summary: Azula’s got a heart? Go figure. Anyway, Azula’s found the perfect man to rule to the Fire Nation by her side, he just doesn’t know it yet.
1. Azula's Fangirl Crush

**Title: **Azula's Fangirl Crush

**Rating: **T to be on the safe side

**Disclaimer: **Azula, Zuko, Zhao and all other aspects of _Avatar: The Last Airbender _belong to someone other than me. This is probably a good thing.

**Summary:** Azula's got a heart? Go figure. Anyway, Azula's found the perfect man to rule to the Fire Nation by her side, he just doesn't know it yet.

Most people believed that Azula was an evil sadistic bitch without either a heart or a pulse. These people were of course mistaken; even a psychopath like Azula had a heart. It wasn't a very good heart, several sizes too small, black as coal, and cold like ice, but it was there, and it did beat, occasionally. It did on occasion beat a little faster, like when she threw rocks at turtle ducks, or tortured Zuzu, or threw lightning at Uncle. Sometimes other people's actions made Azula's heart beat faster too, like when her father scarred and banished Zuzu. Then, there were times when other people made her heart beat faster too. Zhao had done that to her for a while. But then he had died, and that had been that. Now there was someone else who had that particular spark for setting Azula's frozen heart on fire.

She had first heard of him in one of Zhao's letters. She had torn Zhao's seal off with excitement, her heart pounding against her chest, but as she had proceeded to read the letter, her heart has stopped pounding with love for Zhao, and had started to pound with excitement. At the end of the letter she was barely disappointed that the Avatar had escaped from Zhao's hold, free once again for her damned brother to capture because _he_ had set the Avatar free, and _he_ had managed to escape with the Avatar.

As time had progressed _he_ had gained in notoriety, and Azula followed _his_ exploits religiously, never quite sure who to root for. On the one hand, he invariably set the Fire Nation's cause back, but on the other hand, he was well, _him_! That was almost reason enough to cheer him on. Sometimes, during especially boring lessons, she would daydream that she was the Fire Lady, and that he would finally be captured and brought to her. In these dreams she would invariably pardon his life, and receive his eternal gratitude. Other times, she would dream of capturing him herself, and keeping him in a secret room in her father's palace, where she alone would be the object of his attention. Or alternately, when her life really lacked adventure, she would fantasize that she had been kidnapped by Earth Kingdom soldiers, or pirates (this was of course impossible) and _he_ would swoop down and rescue her. Then she would fry her captors while he diced them to bits with his twin blades, and then they would ride into the sunset, covered in blood and guts. Sometimes she would have nightmares where Zuko returned victorious and became Fire Lord, but these nightmares invariably became dreams, when _he_ killed Zuko and set her on the throne, where she ruled by his side, as Fire Lord and Lady.

When he became enough of a threat to merit wanted posters, the princess pilfered one. She kept the poster on her person at all times, neatly folded into eighths under her clothes, right by her heart. In the dead of night, when Ty Lee and Mei were snoring away, she would crawl into the center of her tent and take the poster out, unfolding it gingerly and staring at it by her own light, until she felt too tired to keep the flame lit. That poster was her most prized possession in the whole world, and the fact that she kept it her deepest, darkest secret.

In short, Azula, princess of the Fire Nation, beloved daughter of the Fire Lord, and certifiable sociopath, was in love with a man she had never met… until now. Azula's heart was beating uncontrollably, as she stood paralyzed watching him. He was fighting four men, all of them Firebenders, all of them twice his size and he was winning. He had in fact already put two out of commission; it looked like Number Three was about to fall anytime soon. And then he did, followed shortly by Four and Five. There was only one Firebender left, and _he_ was still agile. He was as quick as a cat, as quick as lightning, almost as skilled with his twin swords as she was with fire. But he was getting tired, he slipped, and the Firebender took the opening. Azula turned away as he was hit with fire. When she turned back, her hero was still standing and all six Firebenders lay unconscious on the floor. But the burn he had taken was a large one, and it was not long before he joined the others on the floor.

Azula rushed to him; he was still alive, but in need of help. Moving him was difficult; he was all muscle: all rock-hard muscle, deliciously firm muscle, incredibly heavy muscle. Transporting the boy, and Azula was now sure that he was a boy barely older than herself, would have been a much simpler task if she had had the help of a subordinate soldier, or even Mai or Ty Lee, but the Princess of the Fire Nation couldn't very well let anyone know that she was helping an outlaw and enemy of the Fire Nation. Eventually, Azula got the boy, mask, swords and all to her tent. Her mind was already beginning to play out such interesting scenarios, when she remembered that he needed medical attention. Fortunately Azula knew a thing or two about burns, and treated the injured vigilante with expert hands worthy of a water healer. She spared no expense, using her best salve because she didn't want the future Fire Lord to have such a large scar, even if no one would ever see it but her.

When the day came Azula barked orders that no one was to come anywhere near her tent and anyone who disobeyed her would answer directly to her. Then night came, and the princess claimed to be exhausted from another day searching for her idiot brother. Receding into her tent, she found that her patient was still asleep. She gently changed his bandages, and then took out her cherished poster; she came to the conclusion that the poster did not do him an ounce of justice. Then it occurred to her that she had no idea what he looked like under the mask. The mask, it was blue. Was he a member of the Water Tribes? Or of the Earth Kingdom? She was fairly certain that he was not of the Fire Nation and that he was not a Bender, but maybe in a former life he had been a great Firebender. No, not probably, certainly, she was sure of it. The blue mask would have to go, replaced perhaps by a red and gold one. Of course, he would have to change his name then, but the title of Fire Lord Consort should be decent compensation. Azula realized that it didn't matter if he was from the Water Tribes or the Earth Kindom, because he had a Firebender's _soul_. Still, the question was now bouncing around in her head. Her hand landed on his mask's clasp, and as she was about to undo it, she realized she would much rather have him remove his mask, reveal himself to her as a tribute of love. She wanted him to do what she wanted because he wanted to. Instead of lifting his mask off, she merely pushed it up far enough to expose his lips.

Cautiously, she knelt until her face was next to his, her lips hovering above his. She pressed her mouth to his, and began to kiss him wildly.

It was this moment that he chose to wake up. The shock of finding a girl kissing him caused the Blue Spirit to jerk up awkwardly, breaking the kiss and the clasp. The mask fell completely, exposing a face only too familiar to Azula. The boy screamed in disgust, got up and ran as quickly as his legs would carry him. Azula would have been insulted if she had not been paralyzed with shock.

Both Zuko and Azula spent the entire night washing their mouths out.

**Author's Notes**: Ok, this is pretty self explanatory, hope you enjoyed my (failed?) attempt at humor. This is the second piece I've posted on and I'd really love some feedback, even if it's just to tell me that this stinks and I should never write fanfiction ever again. So far I haven't gotten any reviews for my other story and I'm kinda wondering what's wrong with it.

_Also,_ I'm thinking of doing a longer and slightly more serious story which would assume that Zuko wasn't under the mask, having lent it to someone else. Any comments?


	2. Zuko's Very Bad Day

**Title: **Zuko's Very Bad Day  
**Genre: **Humor/Angst (kinda)  
**Rating: **T  
**Pairings: **Bluezula and Jinko…  
**Warnings:** Plastered!Zuko and Feverish!Lost, or General Weirdness. Also, this has been sitting on my hard drive for quite some time, and is therefore not compliant with the show after Tales of Ba Sing Se.  
**Summary: **In which Zuko drinks and Iroh misunderstands.

**Disclaimer: **If I owned Avatar I would know when the next season starts. It would start sometime before 2007… But I don't own Avatar, and therefore don't know when it starts, although, I assume it will be sometime after 2006. Alas. Anyone care to enlighten me as to when the next season starts?

**Author's Notes: **Azula's fangirl crush had originally been intended as a one-shot, with the possibility for a Sokula spin-off which would have had Sokka under the mask instead of Zuko, as an anti-joke. The idea, in retrospect was a bad one. Someone suggested that I write more, and the story is even on a couple of alert lists, so I figured I would continue. To be frank, I'm hesitant to actually continue the story, I almost feel as if though it should be posted as a one-shot, but whatever… Anyway, if I've decided that Azula's Fangirl Crush should stand as both a one-shot and a first chapter

* * *

Zuko was sure his world would never ever be whole again. There were several things Zuko held to be true; things he didn't ever question: the sun traveled around the earth, the Fire Nation was fighting a just war, but now that he had woken up with Azula's tongue in his mouth, he was beginning to question everything. Maybe he and the Avatar _could_ be friends, maybe the southern peasant could be more than _just _a friend, maybe tea really was more than simple hot leaf juice, or maybe the alcohol was really getting to him. Looking into the cup of cheap sake, Zuko realized that he was still (barely) capable of cohesive thought, and decided he wasn't nearly drunk enough. Azula kissing him was wrong on so many levels; for one thing, she was his sister, his friggin' _sister_! And then, there was the fact that she was a psychotic sociopath bent on killing everything around her, first of all him. He didn't want to think of his little sister kissing anyone. Azula, it seemed, had a heart after all; wow, that was a scary thought… But really, the problem was deeper than that. 

Zuko still kinda thought that girls had cooties.

Well, maybe that girl Jin didn't have cooties. But Fire Nation girls definitely had cooties, and he wouldn't be half surprised to find out that Southern Water Tribe girls had cooties. He downed another shot, feeling the drink burn his throat. He really hoped that the stuff he was drinking would be enough to kill Azula cooties. He motioned to the bartender to bring him another glass, he still wasn't drunk enough. Zuko stopped to think.

It wasn't all that good of an idea, because he found himself wondering, if Azula could do _that_, what else could she do? And that brought up a really bad mental image. Zuko downed his drink again. He looked at the bottom of his now empty cup. How many of these had he had? Could that Jin girl do that like Azula had? And that was how Zuko knew that he had officially had _way_ too much to drink.

He got up and emptied the contents of his pocket onto the table as payment and made his way to the door. The bartender looked down in puzzlement at the pile of oddities: a few coins, some string and a strange bit of parchment: a coupon; jackpot.

Zuko finally wondered into the little house he shared with his uncle in Ba Sing Se at about three in the morning. Iroh was about to kill him for having disappeared for so long. Operative word: _was_. Iroh _was_ about to kill his nephew until he noticed two Very Important Details.

Very Important Detail A: Zuko was plastered. The stink of sweat and alcohol reminded Iroh of some _very_ good nights.

Very Important Detail B: Zuko was wearing lipstick. Iroh was suddenly very, _very_ proud.

* * *

**A/N:** And so the Zuko torture continues. This is actually quite old, and I'm not sure why I didn't post it sooner. It may have quite a lot to do with the above comments, but I was perusing the fanfiction folder on my hard drive and found a document entitled Zuko's Very Bad Day. I hate to admit it, but I cracked myself up. For the next chapter I intend to center on a very confused and worried Iroh, and after that probably Sokka… Anyway be kind and _review _if you've bothered to read this. 


	3. Iroh's Got the Wrong Idea

**Title: **Zuko's Very Bad Day  
**Genre: **Humor/Angst (kinda)  
**Rating: **T  
**Pairings: **Bluezula and Jinko…  
**Warnings:** Nothing I haven't already warned you about. I had a hard time writing this. Not compliant with continuity.  
**Summary: **In which Iroh's got completely the wrong idea and ponders.

**Disclaimer: **Avatar doesn't belong to me. You know, this being _fan_fiction and all.

**Author's Notes: **I've been very bad about updating, this is because I've had writer's block, made worse by AWS, and Iroh's very hard to write. I kept on trying to start off with Iroh buying cabbages, but it just wasn't working. Finally, yesterday I ended up starting with Iroh's boss' perspective. Not as big fan of how that section came out, but it got me to the point where I could write the next bit, so I'm keeping it on. Enjoy.

Mushi's boss had not been particularly pleased when Mushi had told him that his nephew was too ill to work. Oh, it wasn't that he was upset that Li wasn't at work; heavens no. The boy was an emotional drag to have in the store, and it was a wonder he didn't drive away the customers. Honestly, the way the boy carried about, you'd think he was _royalty_ or something, nothing like his humble uncle. And in the end, that was the only reason he kept the boy, because as insufferable as the brat was, his uncle was a delight, and more importantly, he was the best tea-brewer in all of Ba Sing Se. 

So it wasn't the boy's mere absence that bothered the shop-keeper. Rather, it was the fact that he had seen the boy at a tavern the previous night, and he knew just _why_ the boy was too ill to come to work. If _his_ boy had been out drinking himself into such a stupor (and by Kioshi, it was a miracle the boy was hung-over and not dead) _he _would have made sure that his son learned his lesson and never touched the vile drink ever again, but Mushi was as jovial as ever. As a matter of fact, his mood actually seemed much improved, if such a thing were even possible and he was relishing his ten minute break by indulging in a cup of tea and talking to a customer.

---

Every now and again Iroh liked to sit down with a good cup of tea and put everything in perspective. It was a technique he had mastered over the years and he had hoped to teach it to his nephew, but his attempts thus far had been unsuccessful. Iroh had even begun to worry that Zuko might never learn. Then again, he had actually begun to worry that Zuko would never find a girl, and clearly he had been wrong on that point, so there was still hope.

Simply put, life could not get any better. Dead sons, backstabbing brothers and psychotic nieces aside, life couldn't possibly be any better because for the first time in years Zuko had shown real interest in something (or rather some_one_!) that wasn't the Avatar. And as an added bonus, not only had Iroh played no part in the development of this interest, but said interest happened to include the opposite sex.

Life was grand and Iroh would be a grandfather. And that set Iroh thinking. Who could this mysterious girl be? Oh, he'd find out for certain as soon as Zuko was up (which, judging from his stench the previous night wouldn't be for a few good hours) but it would be so much more interesting to guess. Iroh went over the list of girls Zuko knew; the list was sadly short: the Avatar's waterbending friend, young Miss Toph, and that nice little Earth Kingdom girl; no need to even count Azula and her "friends" in that tally, and he doubted either Katara or Toph would ever be drunk enough to engage his nephew in anything other than battle, which left that other girl, what was her name? Jun? No, Jun was that _impressive_ bounty-hunter; another name for the list of girls Zuko knew, and another name for the list of girls Zuko didn't have an Air Nomad's chance of getting involved with. No, the name wasn't Jun, Jen? Jane? Jin? Yes, that was the name. Jin did seem to be the most likely candidate, after all, Zuko had seemed to enjoy his outing with her enough, except… something didn't sit well with Uncle.

It was the lipstick! He didn't know Jin particularly well, that much was true, but Iroh was an attentive man, especially when it came to women, and doubly so when such women took an interest in his Avatar-obsessed nephew, and as far as he knew, he had never seen Miss Jin wearing lipstick, and he was certain he had never seen her wear _that_ particular shade of lipstick. Come to think about it, Iroh hadn't really seen women wear much lipstick in the lower ring of Ba Sing Se. In fact, lipstick had been rather rare along their travels. The Avatar's friends didn't wear it; the lovely moon girl had worn a little if he remembered correctly, and Jun had worn a lot, but neither of them had worn that fire red shade Iroh had observed on Zuko's lips.

If Iroh hadn't known any better, he'd have said it was a distinctively Fire Nation shade of lipstick. The old tea server laughed out loud. What a ridiculous thought! Zuko making out with a Fire Nation girl in the lower ring of Ba Sing Se!

What a wonderful mystery. If he couldn't solve it by the time he got home he'd coax the answer out of Zuko. That, or he'd blackmail it out of him, whatever worked, and immediately afterwards, he'd teach Zuko that a gentleman doesn't kiss and tell.

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**Author's Notes: **So there you have it, a direct continuation and logical extension of Iroh's mistake in the last chapter. Nothing happens in this chapter, but fear not, in the next chapter much will. Word gets out that Azula's throwing a fit because the of the Blue Spirit, Zuko is in pain, Katara goes in search of tea, and we find out that larceny runs in the family. Now, be a dear and _REVIEW_, especially if you think dear old Iroh is acting OOC by leaving poor Zuko alone. 


	4. Interlude I

**Title:** Interlude, Part I  
**Genre: **General… I think  
**Rating: **T  
**Pairings: **Wouldn't you like to know…  
**Warnings:** This one's not really all that funny, or all that good for that matter…

**Summary: **In which the plot moves along in a very unfunny way.

**Disclaimer: **If I owned Avatar, Jet would be alive. Jet is not alive; therefore I do not own Avatar. Happy now?

**Author's Notes: N**ot very funny, not very long, not at all shippy. Except if you squint. But squinting isn't good for you. This is just a lot of exposition to set the next chapter up, and that too will be a lot of exposition.

Sokka was in a foul mood. Of course, this fact by itself was nothing unusual. Sokka was often in a foul mood, and most of the time, his suffering was entirely his fault. However, to be fair, it would be best to say that at least for today his altered state was only mostly his fault. No one seemed to understand the imperative need to defeat the Fire Nation. He had risked great personal injury (not to mention several blows to the ego) to find the Fire Nation's weakness, only to find that Long Feng's red tape would succeed where Zhao's destructive efforts had failed. Every day brought the Day of Black Sun closer, and yet they were no closer to mounting an invasion of the Fire Nation than they had been on the day the library sank into the sands, and still, Aang was out on his fruitless search for Appa while Toph and Katara were out doing spirits-knew-what useless girly things.

Didn't they understand? Couldn't they understand that there were more important things in life than fun and relaxation, and even more important than loveable flying bison? Aang hadn't even fully mastered Earthbending, and they certainly weren't going to find him a Firebending instructor within the walls; ever the realist, Sokka was sure that Aang was _not_ going to master the four elements in time. They needed to fight the Fire Nation on their own terms, during the solar eclipse, or else, they had no hope. He couldn't understand how Aang and Katara could not understand that the Fire Nation was on the verge of winning, and if the Fire Nation won, everything would be in vain: his mother's death, his father's absence, their travels around the globe, Yue's sacrifice… everything would be for _nothing_.

That was why, while Aang and Katara and Toph were off enjoying themselves, he was in their upper-ring house trying to come up with a brilliant plan to sidestep Long Feng and his Dai Li. So far, he had come up with absolutely nothing, _nada_, zilch. His best idea thus far had been to sneak into a banquet disguised as high society. It would have been a perfect plan except for one thing: they had already tried it, and it hadn't worked. Maybe he would have been able to come up with a better plan if it hadn't been for the fact that loud claps of thunder kept on disturbing his thoughts. Sokka cast a worried eye towards the horizon. It was strange, he thought; he couldn't see a single storm cloud in the sky, but sure enough there was a violent storm going on somewhere. The storm was far away, probably outside the outer wall judging by the time between lightning and thunder, but as he glanced toward the horizon, he drew no comfort from the knowledge that the lightning was far away.

Sighing, Sokka realized there was nothing he could do without inspiration. So standing up, he decided to follow Katara's example; after all, no one had ever conceived a worthwhile plan on an empty stomach. Still upset, Sokka headed off to the middle ring in search of amusement, while in the background the storm raged on.

Now, this storm was no natural storm. In fact, it wasn't a storm at all; a storm would have been much less dangerous. No, the source of the lighting and thunder which so upset Sokka was none other than a very pissed Princess Azula.

The night that Zuko had spent drinking, Azula had spent crying. She would have liked very much to drink and drink and drink. But, she considered her mind too valuable an asset to drink herself into the necessary stupor (that and she didn't travel with large quantities of alcohol and there was nowhere where she could discreetly spend the generous allowance her father gave her on the burning drink). So instead Azula cried. While Zuko drank and drank and drank, Azula cried and cried and cried.

She cried with rage, for she had never been more embarrassed. She cried with hatred, for she had had a chance to skewer Zuko and she had missed it. And then, just a bit, Ozai's favorite scion cried with pain, for her first love had been ruined, and she decided then and there that she would ruin Zuko. Somehow, she would capture him in his Blue Spirit garb and present him thus dressed to their lord and sire. And so, for a last time, she took out the Blue Spirit poster from its secret hiding spot by her heart, and for the last time she unfolded the parchment, and then, she set it on fire and watched the fire burn as she imagined what her father would do to Zuko, pathetic little Zuko who had wrecked her dreams and fantasies. When the poster was finished burning, Azula cried some more because she had just destroyed what had that morning been her most prized possession.

Azula had cried herself to sleep, and now she was in a foul mood. Except that unlike Sokka, the Princess could throw about lighting, and so she did. None among her company understood exactly why the Princess was this upset, just that it had something to do with the Blue Spirit. The last time she had thrown about lightning in such a violent manner she had also thrown the captain overboard. This time, there was no ocean into which to be thrown, but no one doubted the Princess' ability to concoct new and interesting punishments, and so everyone who could made his or herself scarce.

Afterwards it was never really clear how it happened. Maybe it was Mai who told the Earth Kingdom blacksmith who told his wife, who told the fish monger, who told the passing strangers who told the bureaucrat, who told her cousin. Or maybe it was Ty Lee who told a passing cat-squirrel and was overheard by a little boy, who told his mother, who told her husband, who told the passing refugees, who told the gatekeeper, who told his son. It might have been anyone really, because everyone was talking about Azula's little tantrum. In any case, it doesn't really matter _how_ it happened, just that by midday, _everyone _in Ba Sing Se was talking about the Blue Spirit. Of course, certain little details had dropped out of the story (Princess Who of the What Now? War? What war? Don't you know there's no war within the walls?), but by and large, the story was very similar.

The version that the Earth King heard was this:

In the middle of the night, the brave Blue Spirit had emerged from the Spirit World and had saved an entire village from the clutches of an evil madman, who for no discernable reason had taken it upon himself to slay the innocent.

As anyone can clearly see, this is almost exactly what happened. If one were to replace "Azula" for evil madman and ignore the bit about slaying the innocent and saving the village, the story was perfectly accurate. In any event, it was very exciting, and really, that was all that mattered. It was exciting enough that the Dai Li officer didn't immediately arrest the Earth King's cook when she first made an allusion to the fact that the Earth Kingdom might possibly require a masked vigilante in order to keep the peace, but instead this officer actually abandoned his post and listened to the cook's story.

Long Feng had not heard of the misadventures of the Blue Spirit yet, having been in a meeting with the Earth King for the entire morning. He did not know that one of his Dai Li was ignoring his orders and chatting up treason. For these reasons, Long Feng was completely unprepared when he and the Earth King walked past the conversation. He was so unprepared in fact, that it took him a full thirty seconds to evaluate the situation, enough time for the Earth King's interest to be piqued, and far too late for him to divert the King's attention. Thirty minutes later Long Feng was massaging his temples as the Earth King officially decreed it to be Blue Spirit Day, and ordered a massive festival in the Spirit's honor during which he would personally present the Blue Spirit with the keys to the city.

Sometimes Long Feng hated his job and he wondered if it wouldn't be best to simply assassinate the Earth King and take his place on the throne. Then he thought about how much power he would have to relinquish to be Earth King, and contented himself with massaging his temples.

**Author's Notes:** Ok, so I lied. There's no quest for tea, no larceny, and no Zuko torture. In my defense, this is really only half of the chapter, but it's already fairly long (compared to the other chapters anyway) and I wanted to give you an update. Next up, _Interlude, Part II_.

In the interim, be a dear and _review_. It'll make the next part so much better.


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